Posts

Showing posts from August, 2005

More things of Interest in this Post Katrina World

Image
Editor's Note: I know that 2 long posts in one day will probably cause a bit of consternationzz amongst the more genteel fans that I have acquired through endless promotion. Well, let me just state for the record that the reason that there is now a second post today, is for the simple fact that the first one wasn't very good, and I didn't want people to think that I had lost my edge. Also, while sweating to death at Chanello's Pizza today, I had a lot of time on my hands to think up new and exciting ways to make the content better here at Diary of a Future Superstar, that is, when my brain wasn't melting like its on drugs from the lack of air conditioning and standing next to a hot oven all day. Yeah, that'll do it to ya alright. So, with all that said, let's start the show shall we? Okay, I must admit that the title of this piece is a little bit of a misnomer due to the "fact" that Katrina is actually still around as I write this, only now it is a...

The Sky is Falling

Hurricane Katrina almost destroyed the world, and to find out about it on CNN.com I have to watch Ditech.com commercials. Ditech charges a flat fee for "closing costs" on a house. Maybe they're trying to put honest hard working real estate agents out of business. One of the videos I watched showed New Orleans residents staying in their homes.??!!!???? One guy said, "Us French Quarter folks are a hardy bunch." What a fruitcake. Panicking Next Door Neighbor: There's 135 mile an hour winds bearing down on us! Fruitcake: Eh, what are you gonna do? Panicky guy with high pitched voice: I'm leaving that's what, and I think that you should too. Fruitcake: You want some gumbo? The Aftermath Watching disaster videos like I was watching yesterday really puts life into perspective. Life's too short to fret over the little things. Seek out your dreams. Eat pineapples while hanging upside down by your toes. Dumbest Thing Ever - Heard at a pizza store on Monday...

Nothing to see here

Sorry folks. No blog update today. I know some of you out there in reader land wake up every day and shiver to your spine when I don't put out a new blog. Since I usually only average like 3 posts a week, that means a lot of you are shivering constantly. I don't know how to prevent that, because I just don't have the energy to post everyday, or if I did maybe the posts would suffer? Perhaps that is a copout. This one seems to be going pretty well. More Shameless Self Promotion and Tom Green I was doing some random internet cannoodling tonight and I ran across tomgreen.com . I was pretty excited to find out that Tom Green actually runs and maintains his own site. He's also looking for the most interesting person in America, and while I think that this is me, he may not realize that without encouragement. So if you guys wanna go there and email him that it would mean a lot to me. Well, it would only mean a lot to me if I knew you did that. If I didn't find out, your s...

Pat Robertson isn't part of the U.S. Government?

Image
The world of the news moves very quickly. In the time it took me to tell you that, my statements have probably already been made irrelevant by some new news I wasn't aware of, or some rampaging blogger out there posting pictures of his cat. Usually what happens is that some event occurs which seems so crazy to the newshounds at fox, cbs, clearchannel, vh1, mtvsucks.com, etc that they all post the initial story on the event which always for some reason comes from the Associated Press. They're always first on top of the story which makes me wonder if they are listening to this broadcast right now. Wait what's that? Do I hear agents on the roof? Sorry, false alarm. It was an errant pinecone. I'm in pinecone country out here in Seaford. You could say that if pinecones grew on trees, then I'd be rich. And If I was rich I'd figure out a way to live off the pinecones and mass produce them, and ship them to bolivia. So, the most recent major news story after Cindy Sheeh...

Midnight Madness

This post goes out to a lovely young lady who said that she was creative at 4 in the morning. I told her that I didn't do anything worthwhile at that time and so to prove it I would write this blog at midnight. Of course that doesnt relate at all. There's like 4 hours time difference. I'm almost sure of it. In fact. I'm going to duly note that there is in fact 4 complete hours between midnight and 4 in the morning. Of course with the humidity around here, it feels more like 5 hours. Back to Work After filling out like 13 applications, and completing 3 different personality tests in the last 12 days, it appeared that if I continued my course of seeking gainful employment in the restaurant sector that I would die. Scratch that last bit. I meant that it appeared to be harder than it looked to get a job at a restaurant when you have to explain why you were fired from your last job on every application. I wonder what it was like getting a job in ancient Israel. Could it be t...

The Life of the Unemployed

I've been unemployed for a full week now and it is awesome! Man there are just so many things I can do now with all this free time. The only catch is that I am broke and can't do anything and it costs like 10 dollars to drive anywhere. I guess my budding superstardom blinded me to the fact that it can take forever to even get a restaurant job. I went to 10 different restaurants in the last week and they all told me they would call me. For some reason, I have not been called. Could it be that "I'll call you" is just something that people say? How could restaurant managers be less than genuine? Of course, every service industry has to lie to some degree to their customers, because all customers are angry. Customer: Where's my thingamabob? I ordered it last week!!! Manager (labeling package to ship): Sir, we received your order last week. It should have been processed already by our service people. I'm sure you'll be seeing it any day now. Customer: I wan...

I was freekin fired Bob!

Image
Recapping our last post, I had just returned from 3 days on a television shoot, when upon arriving back at work in the morning, I quickly discovered that something was wrong. I realized this right away when my normally smile bearing manager Amber told me with a frown, "Hey Josh come here to the office. I need to talk to you about something." This was seriously going to be a talk about something, and I have never liked those talks about "something", because usually it turns out to be "something" that I don't like. This sort of talk occurs with some frequency to me, and it's usually when I've done something screwy that someone doesn't like, that I wasn't aware of. Like when I was at Elim Bible Institute in Lima, New York; I was always doing something that somebody just didn't like. I never knew what it was exactly, but I came to dread those little white envelopes that would appear at my doorstep with some regularity that year, informi...

My wacky adventures on the set of the television show "The Psychic Investigators"

This past week I spent 3 days as an actor on a new re-enactment show for The Learning Channel called "The Psychic Investigators." Too bad I didn't know in advance that it was gonna suck. Ha ha that's a joke, but not really. Okay I'm just kiddin with ya. But seriously folks. I know many of you are curious about this whole "acting" thing that I do and how the whole process works. Well, it doesn't work very well but I'm going to spend most of today's blog explaining how and why. The Beginning The Learning Channel calls New Dominion Pictures located in Suffolk, VA and says, "Alright you guys pretty soon we're gonna have to start work on yet another quality television program about true and usually sort of uninteresting events that actually happened in the recent past, but not so long ago that we didn't have cars or anything." New Dominion Pictures is completely unaware of what they are referring to, so The Learning Channel expla...

Breaking News Update! Men and Women are Different: News at 11

A study reported today in cnn.com has shown that, amazingly enough, men and women are drawn to different aesthetic qualities of internet pages. I must confess that this is shocking news. I was not aware that there were subtle differences between the sexes. I am shocked that this story is confined to a small corner of the internet and is not plastered on the front pages of newspapers worldwide. After all, if it wasn't for the normally longer hair, and frontal chest protrusions I probably wouldn't be able to tell the difference between men and women, and I doubt that Joe Average marketer would be able to either. This study should produce dramatic results in the business world, enabling clothing stores to finally effectively stock clothes for women. We have been caught up in a male dominated society far too long, I say it's high time we took off the shackles of society and firmly embraced cultural change and, dare I say it, a revolution! Patrick Henry supposedly wanted govern...

How I met a Blues Legend and Lived to Tell About it

Image
Chances are that most of you didn't know that I currently do freelance entertainment reviews for my local paper (Daily Press)'s web site 7 Cities . The site is intended to be a mouthpiece for "What's hot in Hampton Roads" coming from "not old people" locals and sending people out free to entertainment in the area like concerts, prostate screenings, bingo, and leg hair removal. Normally I just mooch off them to get free movie passes once a month, but recently there's been a shakeup in the hierchy there and the guy in charge of the whole thing is coming off like a shady character, blasting everyone telling them what a lousy job they're doing, and about how they're going to be off the 7cities team if they don't "show up". Unfortunately, I had to "Show up" "with respect" in a "proper" way and do a review of the blues legend Coco Montoya . I was up till 1:00 in the morning at the show but yet I got an em...

I came I saw I blogged

Did you guys know that you can replace the word "blog" with other words in several popular quotes? Well, you can. Chances are you hadn't really given that much thought. But while you're digesting that new bit of information like a well done steak let me give you a few examples of what it is exactly that I'm talking about. I blog, therefore I am. This popular phrase is real eye opening, as it indicates that to blog, or pour out your soul to the internet is to indicate existance. On the other hand, that means if you don't blog there's a slight chance that you don't actually exist. Ask the scientologists if you don't believe me. Give me my blog, or give me death! To deny someone the right to blog is akin to cutting off their life source. How else could they tell everyone what they did last night, how great the Contender was, and show more ways that George Bush sucks? There'll be no blogging unless you finish your dinner! This is a thinly veiled th...

For the love of God

Image
I have a new logo in jpeg format but no one out there in blogworld seems to want to email me back. Seriously, it's driving me crazy. If anyone reading this knows how to make this the title of my blog please please write me at joshuadudley@gmail.com, I'll even let you have my name and password to do it yourself if you don't think that I can hack it. And now I am going to wake up. Thank you.

I woke up, put on clothes, ate breakfast, went to work, came home, took off my clothes, and went to bed

I woke up, put on clothes, ate breakfast, went to work, came home, took off my clothes, and went to bed.

How Outsourcing Saved America

A lot of people are talking lately about outsourcing and how much good it does for America to ship our loser jobs to some foreign country where we pay Pedro, the 12 year old bean counter, the equivalent of 28 cents an hour to lace shoes or work on new Microsoft products. The reason that I bring this up is that I, along with I suspect a lot of you reading this, are a victim of outsourcing. The Story My dad's HP printer wasn't working the other day and since historically if a problem with technology is more complicated then how to start a new game of solitaire, my dad will always call me. For the sake of the story, I will give a sample problem and a sample solution. Problem: The computer isn't working. Solution: You have to hit reset. Problem: Where is the reset button? Solution: It's on the computer Problem: Seriously, what's a computer? Okay, I admit that the last "problem" may have been overexaggerating my dad's lack of technical expertise a little bi...

Restaurant Girls are too Coy, and Other Stories

Why does it seem like you can never get anywhere with girls at restaurants if you work with them? If you casually mention to one of them that there should be some getting together time, she might laugh and say something to the effect of how awesome it would be while walking away and you're standing there wondering if you were taken seriously. That and the fact that all they seem to want to do is get drunk, smoke weed, and have sex anyway makes me wonder if they're worth worrying about at all. But I digress. I'm much more at home engaging in witty banter over some cheese fries and making fun of the awkward manner of whoever is sitting next to us. Okay, it doesn't really have to be cheese fries, it could be cheese sticks but you get the idea. I must admit to being a little confused by the hot girl at work feeding me all those lines and then leaving me alone to do all the follow up work if I was interested. I don't know if I was interested, so much as I was intrigued. ...