Seriously This is Hot Stuff!

Monday, April 16, 2007

I'm Sorry I Can't Remember your Name

Dear Friend,

I address you as friend because I felt that "dear entity" would be too cold and impersonal even though it makes for a better description of how I currently view you which is essentially as a generic person that I have no intimate knowlege of one way or the other.

I am very sorry that I don't remember your name, and I can see that it is greatly distressing you to the point of causing inner turmoil, great pain, and boils on your face and hands.

Our last encounter when I said "hello" to you as we passed in the bathroom was particularly unmemorable and I am sure I would have put it out of my head entirely if you had not brought it up again when you recently addressed me by name, and I apologized and confessed that I had forgotten your name, apparently for the fourth time.

I did so enjoy our first conversation where you asked me my name, how long I've lived around here, and what my occupation is right before you were distracted by a much better friend who you had to chat with immediately.

I felt then as though we made a spiritual connection, one that will be sung of in the heavens, and that we formed a bond that will last into the afterlife, where we will walk the streets paved with gold, and call each other by name; well that is if I can remember it.

I do so fondly and dearly want to recall another classic dialogue we had on what "I was up too lately", because it reminds me of another conversation that I've been meaning to have with you about what I've been doing the whole rest of my life up till now.

Because clearly since meeting you, my life has changed dramatically. My cancer is gone as is my passive wish to kill myself. Yes, you have quite literally saved my life. No more will I gorge myself on junk foods waiting for the end to come while wishing I had written the great american novel and feeling guilty over forgetting your name.

In fact, I reccomend that a crime of this nature that causes such serious mental distress be listed as a felony so that it may be recognized with all the gravitas it deserves.

It is my fondest wish that all the scumbags that ask for people's names more than twice be treated swiftly and with the utmost justice that the law will allow for people who can't remember any details at all about a person that they otherwise might not even speak to.

Well anyway friend. You have my thoughts on the subject and I do just have one more question for you if you don't mind.

What was your name again?