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Friday, December 30, 2005

The weather is nice and I need a sandwich

Fortunately I have recently completely filled out my latest subway card, which means that a free 6 inch subway sandwich is awaiting me a mere five blocks away after completion of this blog and subsequent departure from the library.

Whew. I can't wait for the holidays to be over and all the people who are crowding the subways with their Macy's bags to go home and leave me in peace so i won't have to fight past all these slow moving people when I'm trying to get to work in the afternoons. Geez, where did all these kids come from anyway.

I saw the best magician on the subway the other day, he was doing all these tricks with rings where he would tap them and they would go together and great card tricks like the kind that you see on television. He had that naturally spooky aura that David Blaine, proffessional street magician, has also. So I gave him a dollar. It was the first time I've given money away in New York, other than to the government for their ridiculous parking tickets.

There's no where to park around here and to make matters worse you have to move your car at least once a week because of street cleaning at which time I have to get up before 9 in the morning to go move my car and get back in bed because I just worked till midnight at TGI fridays last night.

And I bombed at the Bowery Poetry Club. I was the very last performer on at 2:30 in the morning on Monday night and my time was compressed down to 4 minutes and I guess I was trying to get as many jokes out as possible and so much of the audience was inebriated that I guess they weren't making the connections and I was moving pretty quickly so it didn't work out that well. That's what learning is about though - screwing up.

I've just finished reading a book called "THE NARNIAN" about C.S. Lewis. I friggin loved it. It made me cry more than once and gave me a much deeper and profound love and respect for the man. I reccomend that all who saw the movie and actually enjoy reading to give it a whirl.

I love all of you and I look forward to hearing from you and seeing you soon. Your prayers and support keep me going through a difficult transitory period in my life.

God bless!

P.S. and happy new year!

Thursday, December 29, 2005

new blog!!!

....coming tommorrow. FOLKS WE"RE OUT OF TIME!!!!! AND MY CAPS LOCK BUTTON IS STUCK!!!!!

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Happy Holidays and Tidings of Good Joy!

woops! I meant Merry Christmas! Man I sure didn't want to say Happy Holidays and act like I was scared of Jews or Muslims or something. Cuz I'm not!

But I have figured out why Jews are so cheap, and it's because I live near a jewish grocery store. The reason why is because the local Rabbi has to personally bless all the food so kosher food products can average several times what comparable non-kosher items cost in the same store.

And I know a lot of you were wondering how the commercial went. Well it was essentially just a photo op for Koons Toyota located in Maryland and most of Northern Virginia. I put on a vest and smiled for at least 30 seconds on a podium along with several other vested actors and that was that. To get to that point though I had to wait for an hour in an entrance room with other actors and read old issues of Entertainment Weekly and gab about who everyone is with and where did they come from. You'll be able to see the commercial next month at

So I really enjoyed it and I look forward to other commercial opportunities with my D.C. agency as well as getting New York counterparts very soon, assuming that I can finally get the internet in my apartment this month. Sheesh!

Work on Thursday should be copius amounts of fun if the subway strike is still in effect, because thousands of tourists will be stranded in our fair city with nothing left to do but eat! And eat they shall, and I shall be there to serve them and scoop up the profits!

So Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

A Special Holiday Message

At this time of year when so many of us are snug in our beds with visions of sugarplums dancing in our heads, it's natural to want to give to those less fortunate than us. However, I want to urge you to make it as impersonal as possible. Organizations like the United Way need your support all year, and now is a fine time to think about donating money to them, or perhaps a tenderly used coat or wrapped gift for a little one.

But it's also possible at this time of year that you may know or come into contact with people who may need your help. I urge you to do your best to ignore these people. They should be going to their local churches for help, or contacting their nearest homeless shelter not pestering you personally and making you feel remorse. After all, that's not what this holiday season is about is it? No, it's about the giving, and the receiving, and the egg nog.

But try not to get in the face of people you don't want to give to personally, because it can only lead to depressing contact, awkward silence, or criticism and rebuke of the person's condition and Lord knows they get enough of that everyday that they certainly don't need it from you.

Now if you'll excuse me, you're in my way at the buffet line.

Friday, December 16, 2005

All the News that you REAlly wanted to Hear

I'm doing a local Toyota commercial in D.C. on Tuesday. OH WHAT A FEELING!

Yeah most of you probably didn't know that last year I invested in 2 separate long driving trips to D.C. for the express purpose of gaining favor with agencies in D.C. and it looks as if it has finally paid off.

Speaking of paid off. I finished my first shift on the floor at work yesterday and despite mistakes and closing early and having my first table stiff and stiffing myself when I calculated the second tables check wrongly I still made 80 bucks. So I'm happy about that.

I'm about 6 blocks from work so uh. I gotta get some boots, because I hear that they're good for walking to work in. And that's just what I should do.

Side note to in bed by nine: I'd love to use the bootstraps that God gave me except the government took my boots and my laces from me.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Just another Blog Post

Oh great you say. I can't wait to read another exciting and riveting post from Joshua Dudley about how it's cold in New York or that his roomates stink, or that he's tired of walking around looking for work or that he's begging for money. I also hear that due to his lack of internet access, he is forced to blog with increasingly diminished quality from libraries and churches.

Boo Hoo. I've got enough of my own problems without being reminded how tough someone else's choices in life are. I've got my own set of struggles that are totally different than that guy's, and plus I don't screw up every job opportunity I get, and I'm not paranoid about where my keys or my wallet is.

In fact, I've just gotten plain old tired of Joshua Dudley. Dude, it's time for you to sink or swim, and in case you hadn't forgotten man you're like 30 years old. Shouldn't you be out applying for Viagra somewhere?

Wake me up when you have something interesting to say because I can't stand any more pithy comments about stuff that no one cares about.

In fact, don't even talk to me about your blog ever again. My impression of blog's is now destroyed by how uninteresting a read yours is. I mean, shouldn't you be talking about movies, or your impressions of politics, or the subtle nuances of the subways, or all these parties I hear that you go to but don't blog about?

And talk about voyeristic, what a loser! I hear that you're going to some church in NYC just so because your favorite blog author listed on your links list goes there. Pathetic man. Sad and pathetic.

I'm just glad that you're not living with your parents anymore. Man I sure couldn't wait to read more of that stuff back a few months ago. Whew a classic literary masterpiece, that's what was.

P.S. Good luck man,

signed: your biggest fan

Monday, December 12, 2005

First day on the job!

and i have 3 minutes to write this...okay.

I listened to an hispanic lady show me where stuff was in the kitchen and then prepped up salads and stuff and then had to run around delivering packages to other TGIF locations. i made a few wrong turns while running around my boss got worried and called me. then i made another wrong turn while running back.

i was just waiting for him to say "i just dont think its going to work out because you didnt cut it as an errand boy."

fortunately he didn't, and i spent the rest of the day as a busboy and order taker at minimum wage. it was the most fun ive ever had and my time is about to expire so goodbye all.

Friday, December 09, 2005

Good News Everyone!

There's brighter times ahead. I'll have good things to report and you'll cry and tell your friends of my adventures and exploits. One day I'll be sitting by the fireplace with my grandchildren telling them the very same story that I'm telling you right now.

But until then I'll just have to live it.

So that's just what I'll do.

See you next time!

As long as next time means monday.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Well, that was easy

I went through the security department of T.G.I. Friday's today and got my clearance. So tommorrow I call to get on the schedule and uh...start working???


I got a library card to use in Manhattan, but not Brooklyn (where it is required for you to have a ny drivers license)

i probably could have written a longer blog here but i had to check my email.

this library is just around the corner from where I work, and my bank is on the same street too!

there is an actual good mouse here too. im loving it.

send money.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Alrighty Then

I just got on the subway for almost an hour simply to post, check my email, dispute a traffic and return a belt that I could have returned anytime this month....

The second interview was really more of a "here's what we do at this fridays" kind of thing so now i have to go get fingerprinted and id'd tommorrow and call "nattie" on friday to get put on the schedule.

then...that should be it...i should be working in like 3 days???


i still can't believe I'm in New York.

Remember in the spirit of the Holidays and in the spirit of charity as represented by our Lord and saviour Jesus Christ, please remember to support my endeavours through the holidays. After that I should be okay for a while....


i can breathe easier now but I still racked up the credit bills the first month I was here and I need your support.

Paypal to:

or send check or money order to

Joshua Dudley
1555 Dahill Road
brooklyn, Ny

Monday, December 05, 2005

Redemption Song

I was going to another job, when i saw a tgi fridays on my right. stopped in. said hello. and i applied basically. fortunately i could tell that the interviewer wasn't the most corporate character around which i have determined is the only kind of character that would give me a job.

i still have to go to a second interview tonight at 5 though but he said it was really more cursory anyway and that he would probably have me on the schedule to start training tonight.

id write more but i cant stand this keyboard. i love this church office, but i dont want to come back unless i have to .l..aaaaaaa

please lord give me the internet in my apartment so i can blog in my santa claus full body long johns with the butt flap in the back.

p.s. this doesnt mean by the way that you still shouldnt send me money because you still need to. seriously.

Friday, December 02, 2005

Happiness and Crushing Defeat

Okay. So here I go. I don't know where to start since my head is still spinning, but I'll do the best I can. I went home for Thanksgiving this past week since I wasnt due to start training at Uno's till Tuesday. So I spent 5 days as the hero around town and all my friends who saw me were thrilled and very happy for me. I didn't get as many free food and drink items bought for me as I would have liked but still, it was a wonderful time.

Monday night I did open Mic night for the third night at the bowery poetry club. I was the very last person on at 2:20 in the morning, and I brought the house down.
(editor's note - this section of the blog was actually written last and feeling pressed for time and a little drained by the writing of the rest of it, any descriptions of this event will remain sparse until a future update, thank you)
They loved my opening joke - I realized when I got home the other day and looked around my apartment that I really needed a girlfriend, because after all, how else is my underwear going to washed? I followed that up with a gut shot to the stomach.

Q: How come you can't fire a white guy?
A: of course you can. I've been fired all the time. And it's usually for stuff that I didn't do anyway, like showing up, or working.

Anyway, it was great and I finally felt like a real comedian. It was incredible

Fast forward till Tuesday when I arrive at Uno's at 4:45 which was the time that I thought I was told over the phone, and it turns out that they have already started "Pizza School" which is their name for their once a week corporate training camp. They would not let me continue the class late so I had to go home and they told me that I would have to go back and take it next week. I felt awful and I had this deep crawling sensation in the pit of my stomach that something wasn't quite right. Unfortunately, Chad, the guy who hired me, wasn't there to pat me on the back and smooth things out with the trainer who greeted me that day with this little pithy comment, "So you're a little late huh?"

They told me to call Lori the schedule manager the next day. Following orders, I did just that, otherwise I would have shown up to see her. She told me she would have to talk with the trainer and get back to me. 2 hours later she said she talked to the trainer and they're booked for next week so she just didn't think it was going to work.

What was that? Did someone just drop a lead weight on my heart? Ouch. Did that really happen?

So I wrote a 2 page letter of apology addressed to Chad and the other manager's there and went to Uno's the next day. Chad was not there again, so I talked to Lori, and barely fighting back the tears I told her how important the job was to me and how committed I was, that the mistake I made in arriving at the wrong time wasn't reflective of my true character and that I would put it all behind me. She was moved a little bit, but not enough to change her mind, or perhaps she didn't have the authority to do anything then. I don't know. I gave her the letter addressed to Chad with instructions to give it to him, and left gasping for air.

The next day I talked to Chad and asked if he got my letter. He said he did not. I asked him if I could take Pizza School out of town, and he said he would talk to Pat about it. I don't know if I should call over there today or just show up, or should I bother about it today at all because it will look I'm desparate. But I am desparate, so maybe I should just show up.

I really have nothing more to report. There is still a glimmer of hope at Uno's, but just a speck. This lead balloon of darkness is rapidly filling up all my available space and it hurts to walk or ride the subway or breathe or think.

I'll take any job right now. I have just enough cash to pay the rent and my next credit card payment, but not the one after that. I'll have to get a cash advance from my credit card to cover it.

I'm going to an interview in a little bit, then I will just call all the retail shops to find work.

Tommorrow morning I will be calling all the Starbucks, and a lot of clothing and movie stores.

If I'm not hired by Wednesday somewhere I will be calling Fast Food places. I swear to God.

Oh yeah, and I tried to get a New York Driver's licence and I can't yet because I have to pay for an old ticket from 8 years ago in upstate New York and I don't know how much that is yet.

Otherwise, I would already be delivering pizza again.

I am currently accepting generous cash donations to help ward off the coming insanity and general gloominess.

at 1555 Dahill Road Brooklyn, New York 11204

or send a donation to my paypal account at