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Monday, August 22, 2005

The Life of the Unemployed

I've been unemployed for a full week now and it is awesome! Man there are just so many things I can do now with all this free time. The only catch is that I am broke and can't do anything and it costs like 10 dollars to drive anywhere.

I guess my budding superstardom blinded me to the fact that it can take forever to even get a restaurant job. I went to 10 different restaurants in the last week and they all told me they would call me. For some reason, I have not been called. Could it be that "I'll call you" is just something that people say? How could restaurant managers be less than genuine?

Of course, every service industry has to lie to some degree to their customers, because all customers are angry.

Customer: Where's my thingamabob? I ordered it last week!!!

Manager (labeling package to ship): Sir, we received your order last week. It should have been processed already by our service people. I'm sure you'll be seeing it any day now.

Customer: I want my money back!

Manager: Okay, buh bye.

Pizza delivery places are even more notorious for this. What usually happens is that when there are a lot of orders, bags of pizza inevitably end up lying around for large periods of time while the delivery drivers hang out in the back and smoke.

Customer (smoking large amounts of pot): Hey, I ordered a pizza and hot wings like 2 hours ago and I feel asleep, burned my couch down and still I have no pizza and hot wings, and I really have the munchies.

Manager (motioning for the delivery drivers to go right now): Sir, your driver left 20 minutes ago. He has a lot of orders, but he should be right there at any moment. In fact he could be there right now, why don't you go out and walk around your neighborhood looking for him.

Customer: I see headlights outside.

Manager: It's definitely him. (click)

Customer (to himself): Me hungry.

In other words, don't count on anything ever arriving, especially if you paid less than 20 bucks for it.

In the meantime

I'll talk to you guys again tommorrow and relay more exciting tales of life on the road!