We Are All a Work in Progress

Seriously, my lack of drive this week on my blog has been a source of great consternation to me, my family, and those in my personal prayer chain. Right now, I am even too tired to post a picture of a fat man wearing geeky looking sunglasses. I'm sure that would make some of you laugh, so please try to picture that. Go ahead. Do it. I'm waiting. Warning: Coke Endorsement forthcoming Okay we got that out of the way so why not send out an update on the new fans acquired daily at work? I usually try to rope people in to my blog when I'm serving them by delivering a faux comedy monologue. I say something sort of offbeat that most people don't catch. But, if they do catch it then I've got em. It's the best feeling in the world, topped only by drinking a Vanilla Coke out of the bottle when you can barely stand up and then looking at the cap and then realizing that you have won "Free Coke Product"!!!! Coke is notorious for not giving anything away. Pepsi con...

I'm still recovering from my near stroke of almost being near humongous fame. However, I have not yet recovered the near heat stroke of being alive in 100-degree weather. Seriously, the human body was not conditioned for temperatures in triple digits. Did you know you can cook eggs in that heat? Just imagine what it does to your brain when it's on drugs. Okay, enough small talk type jokes. It's time to talk about what all of you I'm sure want to talk about, and that is obviously Michael Douglas. To recap from the previous article referring to what will now for all time be called "The Michael Douglas Incident", my agent called and gave me the opportunity to do stand in work, the only problem being that I wasn't sure what stand in work was. This despite the fact that I have spent literally thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours in acting classes and not one time did they mention stand in work. Oh sure, they talked lots about commercials, and extra work, ...

Many of you readers out there are familiar with a popular television series that ran from 1966-1969 called Star Trek. The show was extremely nerdy and was quite popular with nerds at the time, as well as young children and jocks. It should be explained that this show featured a spaceship with a crew on board, similar to how seafaring ships were years ago. Except that this crew had a 5 year mission of "space exploration", which usually took them in the vicinity of a great many alien races, robots, and floating heads of President Abraham Lincoln. Nerds were immediately attracted to the premise of the show because there were many supposedly hi-tech specs on the ship that they could write down and commit to memory as well as debate the oxygen content versus carbon dioxide levels of whatever planet that the crew happened to land on. Additionally, nerds are instantly attracted to anything nerdy, or nerd-like, which helps explain their immediate attraction to Star Trek. Jocks at the...

A true disaster has befallen your future superstar. Please allow me to relay these events exactly as they happened so that I do not soften the blow in any way. okay. god im gonna be sick. i just know it. Yesterday, on July 21st, 2005 in the first turn of the solar equinox in the lunar galaxy, etc. etc., dot dot dot. A guy named Bryan called me from Central Casting, my talent agent in Washington D.C., he asked me if I had any stand-in experience. I didn't know what he was talking about. I thought he was referring to extra work or something, so I said I did not. Then he said that's too bad because Michael Douglas' people wanted someone with experience. WHAAAT!!!!! My throat was in my mouth. or something like that. "Wait a second. Why didn't I just lie like everyone else in Hollywood that got started?" "Well...if you said yes you would have had to fax me a list of stand-in credits." "um. How much experience could standing in for someone really requ...

In case you're not aware, The Island is a movie. It is directed by Michael Bay, the famed director of classic films like Armageddon, and the Rock. I'm not referring to directing the action star/wrestler The Rock in an actual good movie like "Walking Tall" I'm talking about the action/intrigue cocktail that is the movie called "The Rock". Michael Bay is a Jerry Bruckheimer wanna be. In fact I am convinced that right now he has hanging on his wall a pair of the man's underwear just so he can lust over them. Unsurprisingly Michael Bay is a former music video director, which is perfect for the kinds of movies he directs - all sizzle but no steak. Jerry Bruckheimer actually has an "R" rated nickname among the hipster elite: "Jerry Shitmaker". If you don't know why they say that, then you obviously haven't seen "Gone in 60 Seconds". It is a pile of flaming excrement similar to the kind that Adam Sandler put on an unsus...

Over the last few days or so I've gotten hyped about being in the blogworld. I've started slipping mentions of my blog into conversations with everyone, including restaurant customers. It usually goes something like this. Them: So how have you been doing? Me: Awesome, I can't wait to get home and write on my blog. Them: What's a blog? or this! Them: What have you been up to lately? Me: Not a whole lot, just trying to work up some new material for my blog. Them: What's a blog? here's another popular variation of the same conversation! Me: Have I mentioned yet that I started my own blog? Them: You mean like online? Me: Yes. Them: What's a blog? So as you can see, despite what I thought was a deep penetration of the word "blog" and the reports I read constantly about the millions of new blogs started everyday normal people at an average restaurant like Ruby Tuesday seem to have no idea what a blog is. Unfortunately there is no substitution for visitin...

The Time: right now. What time is it? It is very late. And why do I digress? Because I must. And why am I asking myself rhetorical questions? Because I think it's funny. And what exactly do I mean by the title of the post "Hitting the Blog Wall". Well, it surely is figurative, as the internet has no strict boundaries that I am aware of, but I think that was quite obvious. Keep in mind, that I also think that the obvious is very funny too. I meant to say that I don't exactly have a strict format that I'm trying to follow yet in order to gain a cultlike following that will propel me to blinding success in the blogworld and beyond. Does this mean that I don't have anything to write about? Far from it! Never let it be said that I have nothing to say, it's just that the gamut of things to write about is so large that sometimes it's hard to limit my focus. I've gathered from my blog research that talking about what you did that night is always a good sta...

....Four was an awful, dreadful, no-good movie that kicks off today's blog. And the reason I'm starting off by digressing about the Fantastic Four is because it's the last thing I can think of note that happened since my previous blog about car sales. Due to the fact that I'm quite green to this whole blog thing I figured that I should just blog about everything and eventually narrow my blog focus to just one or 2 things, thereby guaranteeing that I get quoted on CNN or a local newspaper somewhere. Alright now that we've established a foothold on the reality that is the blogosphere, I'm going to fast forward to the immediate present that is right now as I'm typing to let everyone know that when your eye is sort of pink or red, then you should NOT be putting your contact back in yet as it makes you really tired and looks like you are crying all the time. If however this is a preferred state of your being, then by all means proceed. So then, my dad has trouble...

This article was originally intended to be the final post of the Joshua Dudley fan club , however as of this reading, due to the incredible ease of use of the blog over a webpage, everything new written by future superstar Joshua Dudley will go up on the blog. I’m sure that a lot of people reading this article have bought cars before and may have a negative opinion of the whole business. Of course it’s also possible that you may have tried to put a hex on your mailman when he doesn’t show up with your mail at 11:30 sharp in the A.M. But hey, I’m not here to judge anyone, but as a qualified car salesmen who worked at two different car dealerships, I feel that it is almost my duty to guide you, my readership through the ins and outs of all that is unholy and fraught with peril. I refer of course to the finance manager who can make you squirm in your seat or pass out as he tries to squeeze two thousand more dollars out of you on your car purchase then you originally thought. But don’t wor...

I have noticed that the way to begin these things is to just start typing and pray to God that all goes well and you are not interrupted by a phone call or your cat peeing on your floor. Currently, neither of the aforementioned things are happening, so all is well. As you may have noticed, I have cleverly named this blog "Diary of a Future Superstar" and have gone so far as to put the words in CAPS. A lot of people do not like this sort of thing because they feel that it is too much like shouting. I do not mind it to so much because I feel that it draws attention to itself and forces the eye to start reading after that point and ignore everything that came before it. I fear I may have digressed too much, since in the last paragraph I was well on the way to explaining why this blog is called "Diary of a Future Superstar" when I was derailed by a bad joke about the English language dealing with caps. However, I felt it was a witty way to introduce you, the possible ne...

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