Hitting the Blog Wall

The Time: right now. What time is it? It is very late. And why do I digress? Because I must. And why am I asking myself rhetorical questions? Because I think it's funny. And what exactly do I mean by the title of the post "Hitting the Blog Wall". Well, it surely is figurative, as the internet has no strict boundaries that I am aware of, but I think that was quite obvious. Keep in mind, that I also think that the obvious is very funny too. I meant to say that I don't exactly have a strict format that I'm trying to follow yet in order to gain a cultlike following that will propel me to blinding success in the blogworld and beyond.

Does this mean that I don't have anything to write about? Far from it! Never let it be said that I have nothing to say, it's just that the gamut of things to write about is so large that sometimes it's hard to limit my focus.

I've gathered from my blog research that talking about what you did that night is always a good start and so that is where I will begin.

Ahem.

The beginning.

Today.

Yesterday.

This morning I woke up and decided that the present speed that I am chipping down at my credit card bills wasn't quite fast enough to suit me and so I decided that I would wake up early and work at Ruby Tuesday's, the corporate restaurant that I fill my time at before I go to New York and work at a better restaurant.

The waking up early part is important because if you don't get there before other people do who also want to work that morning then the odds are that you will not be able to work that day.

So to make a boring story short I waited tables for much of the day and had a meal at Chik Fil-A where I discovered more ways to stretch an honest buck. Thusly, at Chik Fil-A an 8 pack of nuggets is $2.55, however a 4 pack of nuggets is $1.20 thereby saving the intelligent consumer fifteen cents on the cost of 8 nuggets. The chicken salad selections at Chik Fil-A are in the four-dollar range, but the side salad is in the one-dollar range. So my quick thinking propelled me to purchase a 4 pack of nuggets and cut them up and put them in the salad. With the available croutons, and ranch dressing, it was quite fulfilling, I can assure you of that.

Later back at work I noticed that one of my fellow employees was waiting on a five hundred pound man and his three hundred pound mother. So of course, I asked her if she had her hands full. And she said, "What?" Apparently she hadn't yet gathered that I was making a joke at the expense of an obviously huge individual. And then when she did she acted indignant about it. "Oh Dudley thats so wrong!"

"Wrong?" I said. "Wrong is someone who weighs that much and is picky about food. How can you be 500 pounds and not eat everything in sight? How bout I'll have a slab of beef and a Diet Coke to wash it down with?"

It has far eclipsed irony years ago that people consume large amounts of food and then drink a Diet Coke as if this somehow assuages all the damage that has been done to their intestines.

If I'm going out, I'm going out in style. I'll have the prime rib, and a bourbon, and a Dr. Pepper. Screw the calories. Yeah I'm watching my weight. I'm watching it go up baby!

If this all seems mean I just want you to know that I am a large person survivor. I survived being run over by a beached porpoise in a wheelchair passing out candy. Now if that isn't enough mental imagery to go to sleep on, I don't know what is.