People can be lame but "The Island" was more so
In case you're not aware, The Island is a movie. It is directed by Michael Bay, the famed director of classic films like Armageddon, and the Rock. I'm not referring to directing the action star/wrestler The Rock in an actual good movie like "Walking Tall" I'm talking about the action/intrigue cocktail that is the movie called "The Rock".
Michael Bay is a Jerry Bruckheimer wanna be. In fact I am convinced that right now he has hanging on his wall a pair of the man's underwear just so he can lust over them. Unsurprisingly Michael Bay is a former music video director, which is perfect for the kinds of movies he directs - all sizzle but no steak.
Jerry Bruckheimer actually has an "R" rated nickname among the hipster elite: "Jerry Shitmaker". If you don't know why they say that, then you obviously haven't seen "Gone in 60 Seconds". It is a pile of flaming excrement similar to the kind that Adam Sandler put on an unsuspecting old man's front door in one of my favorite scenes in "Billy Madison". "Hey there's poop again!"
....the next day.....
What was that? what happened?
I fell asleep and I was still typing did I miss anything?
Oh yeah the Island sucks. I almost forget. Lets see.... hmm. Where was I?
Right, the Island is exactly like every other movie you've ever seen, in fact I just saw an Entertainment Weekly blurb talking about the different movie scenes it rips off.
My personal favorite part is where the two clones are fighting and the military guys come in to kill the clone, and both Ewan McGregor's point at the other one and say "Shoot him, he's the clone!"
Oh God, it was awful, plus I saw exactly where they were going when they started fighting and people with guns showed up. I was thinking, "Oh no, it's going to be one of those awful bait and switch clone tactics that are like a bad episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation."
For hardcore fans of ST:TNG I would like to apologize by pointing out the obvious fact that there are NO bad episodes of the show, not even when Tasha Yar was swallowed by that swamp alien and later made a guest appearance as her look-alike cousin or something like that.
Some of you reading this may be aghast that I have posted spoilers for a movie thats not even out yet. I will tell you this though. I don't care. I'm terribly sorry, but the less money that movie makes, the better I will feel. For God's sake the movie has a frikking land speeder thats straight stolen from Return of the Jedi for cryin' out loud. I'd reveal more secrets.... but I'm sick of talking about it.
Some of you may enjoy it. That's okay, the middle parts are entertaining but the movie is just too long. It grapples with weighty concepts ripped straight from Alduous Huxley's excellent book Brave New World and breaks them down into trite cliche's. What a bore.
Okay. I also wanted to talk a little about how people can be lame. This basically boils down to my fundamental experiences working at a restaurant. When people come in, 98 percent of them don't listen to me or read the menu. This leads to conversations that go something like this:
Me: Hello, my name is Josh welcome to historic Ruby Tuesday in Kiln Creek serving daily for the last 4 years. We have Coke products to drink, would you like something refreshing?
Them (wearing large non ironic trucker hat): Yeah, I'll just have a Diet Pepsi.
I shudder to point out that, irony of all ironies, Diet Pepsi is not a Coke Product per se; they are in fact actually made by 2 entirely different companies.
Alright, I have to admit that some parts of our menu aren't labeled very clearly. For instance, our hamburger is for some reason called the classic burger. Many of our fine patrons don't think that I know what they were talking about if they just ordered a hamburger and so when they really want a cheeseburger it goes something like this.
Them (wearing very large old lady glasses): I'll just have the classic burger with cheese.
Me: You mean a cheeseburger?
Them (incredulously): No, I mean the classic burger with cheese.
Me (furiously writing): very well
But now I have something new to say when people complain about food. It will go something like this.
Them (looking very stern and pointing at their fish sandwich): This is really terrible!
Me: Oh! You mean like The Island!
Michael Bay is a Jerry Bruckheimer wanna be. In fact I am convinced that right now he has hanging on his wall a pair of the man's underwear just so he can lust over them. Unsurprisingly Michael Bay is a former music video director, which is perfect for the kinds of movies he directs - all sizzle but no steak.
Jerry Bruckheimer actually has an "R" rated nickname among the hipster elite: "Jerry Shitmaker". If you don't know why they say that, then you obviously haven't seen "Gone in 60 Seconds". It is a pile of flaming excrement similar to the kind that Adam Sandler put on an unsuspecting old man's front door in one of my favorite scenes in "Billy Madison". "Hey there's poop again!"
....the next day.....
What was that? what happened?
I fell asleep and I was still typing did I miss anything?
Oh yeah the Island sucks. I almost forget. Lets see.... hmm. Where was I?
Right, the Island is exactly like every other movie you've ever seen, in fact I just saw an Entertainment Weekly blurb talking about the different movie scenes it rips off.
My personal favorite part is where the two clones are fighting and the military guys come in to kill the clone, and both Ewan McGregor's point at the other one and say "Shoot him, he's the clone!"
Oh God, it was awful, plus I saw exactly where they were going when they started fighting and people with guns showed up. I was thinking, "Oh no, it's going to be one of those awful bait and switch clone tactics that are like a bad episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation."
For hardcore fans of ST:TNG I would like to apologize by pointing out the obvious fact that there are NO bad episodes of the show, not even when Tasha Yar was swallowed by that swamp alien and later made a guest appearance as her look-alike cousin or something like that.
Some of you reading this may be aghast that I have posted spoilers for a movie thats not even out yet. I will tell you this though. I don't care. I'm terribly sorry, but the less money that movie makes, the better I will feel. For God's sake the movie has a frikking land speeder thats straight stolen from Return of the Jedi for cryin' out loud. I'd reveal more secrets.... but I'm sick of talking about it.
Some of you may enjoy it. That's okay, the middle parts are entertaining but the movie is just too long. It grapples with weighty concepts ripped straight from Alduous Huxley's excellent book Brave New World and breaks them down into trite cliche's. What a bore.
Okay. I also wanted to talk a little about how people can be lame. This basically boils down to my fundamental experiences working at a restaurant. When people come in, 98 percent of them don't listen to me or read the menu. This leads to conversations that go something like this:
Me: Hello, my name is Josh welcome to historic Ruby Tuesday in Kiln Creek serving daily for the last 4 years. We have Coke products to drink, would you like something refreshing?
Them (wearing large non ironic trucker hat): Yeah, I'll just have a Diet Pepsi.
I shudder to point out that, irony of all ironies, Diet Pepsi is not a Coke Product per se; they are in fact actually made by 2 entirely different companies.
Alright, I have to admit that some parts of our menu aren't labeled very clearly. For instance, our hamburger is for some reason called the classic burger. Many of our fine patrons don't think that I know what they were talking about if they just ordered a hamburger and so when they really want a cheeseburger it goes something like this.
Them (wearing very large old lady glasses): I'll just have the classic burger with cheese.
Me: You mean a cheeseburger?
Them (incredulously): No, I mean the classic burger with cheese.
Me (furiously writing): very well
But now I have something new to say when people complain about food. It will go something like this.
Them (looking very stern and pointing at their fish sandwich): This is really terrible!
Me: Oh! You mean like The Island!
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