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Showing posts from February, 2006

Man versus Machine

Today's blog is brought to you courtesy of the chair that I bought yesterday for 13 dollars that provides me enough back support to be able to write to you relatively free from pain. Let's give it up for the chair everybody! And my flat panel monitor and speakers are now resting comfortably on a svelte but cheap looking computer desk that came in a 35 pound box that I had to lug 2 blocks from the store along with the chair and then collapse in a heap. The next day after becoming strong like bull I put myself to the test yet again and attempted to setup the computer desk despite the fact that the directions are written in 3 languages and clearly the interpreters at times forgot which one was which. Although this may not explain how part 5 was labelled part 1 but it is obvious to me that not a single woman works at the plant that this monstrosity was put together at, otherwise they would have made sure that all needed holes to gently send the screws home into were present and acc...

The Most Important Blog you will ever read!

...whew! I was just reading tips on cover letter writing, and it said to grab the audience right away, so I figured that would be a pretty good way to do it. You know by overemphasizing how great this blog is. Don't get me wrong. I mean it is pretty great but it may not neccessarily be the most important blog you will ever read. I mean there's that one blog about that political guy that I heard is kind of neat, and there's like this one blog that teaches you how to knit sweaters at home. I guess that's pretty important right? Alright before we breeze through today's topic I just wanted to tackle some issues real quick with my astounding depth and insight. Immigrants: Get a job Terrorists: Don't like em Bad Weather: Stay indoors! Smoking: Causes Cancer! Inhaling: Disqualifies you from Presidential consideration Ham Sandwiches: Delicious Smelly armpits: Deodorant Packing Tape: Better than masking tape The VCR: oh the memories Doughnuts: Krispy Kreme Original Glaz...

The Great Job Search

As of this writing, I am still without a job. I would not mention this under normal circumstances in this blog as I hate for the content to descend into begging and depressive states of behaviour. Plus experience has taught me that it makes for terrible entertainment, which if not the central focus, should at least be a consideration for any work of public consumption. Therefore, if focusing on personal content at all, it becomes neccessary for me to either lie, stretch the truth, not be totally honest, or just ruminate in a self depricating way about the strange and wonderful journey which so far doesn't seem to have produced much of anything. And whalla! We have today's topic. We're going to have a stroll down the good old memory lane where everything was a little bit rosier colored, the grass was greener, and I could still reach for a third funny cliche' to round out this sentence. The time was early November of 2005. I had just moved into my brand new Brooklyn apart...

First Chapter and News

Hey everyone, your favorite Future Superstar is currently dealing with a severe emotional blow from a lady and so has been thrown at a loss for what to write today. However, I did want to let you know that I have been working steadily on The Complete Idiots Guide to Idiots and I have decided to make the intro to the book available for your perusal. We'll get to that in a second, but first some news My First On-Air Commercial! Okay, it's only a regional spot, but I can actually be seen for a good second onscreen in this commercial for Koons Toyota which is shown in the Maryland, and Washington D.C. area. Click here to view it in all its glorious color! I tried to get a screenshot but I fear that my nerd skills may have waned a bit since turning 30. And now the moment that you've all been waiting for... The intro chapter to The Complete Idiots Guide to Idiots! The Complete Idiots Guide to Idiots Warning: If you are reading this, it does not necessarily mean that you are not ...

Hawaii to spread joy by getting rid of Poverty!

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In a convoluted story just released yesterday by CNN.com, several things were revealed. A) Hawaii has nearly reached maximum capacity of the amount of tourists that they would like to have. B) Hawaii would like to keep the same amount of tourists that they have now. C) However they would like the tourist base to have a lot more money. D) "A rich person that throws their money away on expensive room service, oil rubdowns every night, and guided trips of volcanoes while hangliding or snorkeling" is now un P.C. according to Hawaii's tourist board and has been replaced with the phrase "activity seeking tourist." E) If more people came to Hawaii, then everyone would not be able to appreciate the "Aloha Spirit" which is not translated in the article, but which I have bothered to look up for you. It refers to the New Agey kind of energy of good will where everyone puts all their thoughts and actions to good will and harmony results. These are the same kind o...

Striking Back for America

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Being the transparent persona non grata in many circles that I am, people often feel that I am being something less than transparent. In fact, many of those same people are downright nasty and probably yell at their mother's on the telephone about how they didn't have time for them when they were 8 years old, scaring their roomates half to death and forcing them to remain secluded in their room. So needless to say I get a lot of gripes. I usually cope with these mindless tantrums and complaints the way the President does - by completely ignoring them, and forging ahead to a shiny destination in the future met by a thousand points of light. However, a recent anonymous commenter made a comment that I so completely disagreed with that I decided to forego my normal response to said cowardly anonymous commenter and point out kindly in the comments section how ridiculous and unthought out their commentary was and how they should take their dissenting opinion to a place where it will ...

What's next for the future?

What does the future hold for Joshua Dudley, future superstar? Well, shortly after this blog is done, I'm going to get up off this futon and eat some cereal. I want to let all my fans know that I do try to eat healthy but there was only one egg left and I already scrambled that with cheddar cheese. But I know, that everyone is talking, and the buzz is becoming almost too much. People are saying, "Hey man, you've got the internet now, you can email people again, you can waste a whole afternoon reading movie reviews and any new ipod news that may be linked to cnn.com and I'm like, "You're right. You're absolutely right! I can do that! I can do all that. And one day I will, but not today." I really don't know why so much of that last paragraph was in quotes, since this whole thing is in first person anyway. I guess that's kind of wierd. Alright, I lost where I was going with that. I was thinking about the Dave Chappelle on Oprah interview that I ...

What's that I smell?

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It sure isn't clean air. My elephant sized roomate is still next door lending his particular masculine aroma to every part of the apartment and spreading good cheer with his buff shirtless, full haired body every day during his morning ritual of going out to the kitchen with his bunny slippers on to pour half a gallon of milk into an economy sized bowl of frosted flakes so he can return to his abode and continue his quest of watching more television per day on average than it was thought humanly possible. He also sets a personal goal to eat at least 5 hot dogs per day. And then he accomplishes that goal. Way to go Mr. Oversized roomate guy! Some people don't know how to stick to their guns and make a plan and go with it, but not my large roomate. He takes it as a personal matter of pride. He knows the nearest grocery store is only a block away, and since it's cold outside he won't work up a sweat by walking there 3 times a week and coming home with milk, Kellog's Fr...