Did you Know?

Today's edition is brought to you by the people that brought that other stuff to you that last time.

Did you know that a dollar is worth 100 pennies? or 4 quarters? or 10 dimes? Or just a random assortment of coins. Why even Canadian money could be worth a dollar.

This has been today's edition of Did you Know?

*I didn't know that (alert reader from Tuscaloosa, Idaho)

Me and Melvin

I've been applying all over the place to restaurants ever since I got fired. None of them have called me back. I don't think that calling people back is something that restaurant managers actually do. They probably figure that they don't need to because they always have people coming in to fill out applications and you can never have too many hot girls working at your restaurant and trust me there will always be a slot open for them over say...me.

So I applied at this one particular place that was just opening called Carabba's Italian Grill, and this is where I met Melvin, the Egyptian Assassin. When I first filled out my application he thanked me for coming in. He managed to do this without smiling somehow. I figured this was odd at first, but I guessed that he probably just hated people. This was also where I met Bryan who looked deceptively like Jason Statham, the action star of the hot new movie of the summer, TRANSPORTER 2! Bryan managed to smile when he talked which I approved of, but it didn't quite mesh with Melvin, or the other ethnic managers with moustaches milling around.

So I left went on my merry way, and came back where I had to fill out what Bryan called a personality profile. It was so long that I should have been given the job just for my ability to finish it. The first 80 questions or so were just basically grading how much of a jerk you are, and the next 80 were like S.A.T. questions of English and Math so naturally I got all of those right. When I was done I just sorta sat around while everyone was buzzing around. Later I sat some more, and then a little bit more. When I was done with that I got up, and then sat down again. A half hour after that Bryan came back after I flagged someone down to tell him to come back for me. With that deceptive "nice guy smile" of his Bryan put me at ease and told me that I was a qualified canidate "for once". I asked about this and he said that a lot of people applying were (you ready for this?) unqualified. I sensed blood in the water so I made some small talk, looked at a picture of his daughter and patted him on the back. After he agreed to call me back personally I figured it was in the bag.

I forgot that Bryan was actually a manager and he's not allowed to call me back. So I had to call, but every time I got on the phone there and asked for Bryan, Melvin got on. I told him I applied last week and blah blah. And he said," Yeah well if we haven't called you back yet then you should probably just continue your job search. Thanks a lot for calling." This wasn't good enough for me, I had to hear it personally from Bryan who said he would call me back personally.

So I called again the next day and asked for Bryan, so naturally Melvin answered the phone again and said hello. I told him my name was Bob and I put on a Russian accent. Well Bob, Melvin said in a zombie like state, if we haven't called you yet then we're probably not going to hire you, so just continue your job search and thanks for calling.

Not one to be put out so easily, I waited a day or two and then went over in person again. I saw Bryan inside cutting tomatoes, but he was behind the counter and didn't notice me, so I mentioned this to one of the waiters standing around and he said I should wait outside because they're not open yet. So I waited outside in the stifling heat for about five minutes and of course Melvin popped out the door and said, "No more monkeys jumping on the bed." I'm sorry that was funny, but you know what Melvin said, so I didn't want to bother telling it again.

I thought I was done with Carabbas, it felt like I wanted to ask Bryan out, and Melvin was secretly in love with him and was there to block me from every angle. I'm not saying he was gay or anything but there was definitely a "man-lust" angle going on.

I was ready to give up, but after recounting the story to WildChild and her sister Arthouse they convinced me to call one more time and act like a telemarketer on the phone. Bryan actually picked up the phone and I said, "Hello Bryan, this is Joshua I applied 2 weeks ago, and I haven't heard back yet, but you said I was a qualified candidate so I was hoping there was still some hope for me." Bryan said he remembered me,"the actor right?" and told me,"Tommorrow at 1:00 call me if you're going to be late." So I hung up the phone thinking how easy that was.

Little did I know....

The next day I was again working for Chanello's but I figured I could get around it somehow, so at 12:40 I was going to duck out of there and leave. I called over there to confirm our appointment and Bryan still wasn't there. So in lue of having an awkward meeting with Melvin again, I figured I could call and say I was going to be late and take another delivery.

When I got there at 1:20 Bryan was there and he had this wrinkled brow thing going on with his face, and he was like,"Dude you're almost like 20 minutes late. I expected you to be here 15 minutes early. I mean first impressions and all man...my partners and I....we just can't offer you a job at this time." Just between you and me folks, I think Bryan was coached on that one. I didn't realize that when Bryan said to call if I was going to be late that it meant I was basically dogmeat if I came in late. That would have helped.

Maybe I shouldn't have put on the application that I was fired from Ruby Tuesday?