Diary of a Future Superstar 12: Back in Action!

Okay, so probably at least like 13 or so of you guys were getting really crazy amped up about my new adventures with chrohns disease and the ostomy bag that saved my life.

I should have been writing more. I apologize. I'm serious.

Also I have no idea what I am going to write and I hate that and I know that readership is going to drop dramatically which is pretty important to me in my ongoing life saga right now.

So, at this moment I am feeling a lot of physical discomfort which is making it hard for me to focus and put out superstar quality writing but I'll do my best.

This is for the Fans...




Hospital Stories

So, Id been at the hospital for several hours and my cousin who had just come up from Virginia to visit and take me out to a surprise dinner was now watching me anxiously as i was strapped to a bed and getting ready to be wheeled in. She works at a hospital and assumed that made her part of the brethren there at Saint Luke's Roosevelt Hospital and was poking around the doctors and nurses there to see what she could find out.

And thats like the last thing I can remember till Christmas morning 4 days later where my Christmas gift was to wake up to my parents who had been there for 3 days telling me they were going to leave to beat the coming snowstorm that was going to destroy America much like Obama's economic reform policy. That, an ostomy bag, an 8 inch incision that looked like a meat locker, and a cup of hospital orange juice were what Santa brought me this year.

I'm giving that guy coal next year.

Apparently while I was passed out and under the influence of various narcotics I sent several indecipherable text messages, made mumbling slurry phone calls, and posted garbled messages on facebook like "ggggeeeefffffff pens tub hrts". At that point all i had to do was make racial comments about Jews to be mistake for Mel Gibson.

Suffice it to say that I was in a wierd state which makes it kind of hard to do a chronological recap of my first few conscious days there. Maybe I should just do bullet points.

  • Being in the hospital was awful
  • My roomate for 5 days was on suicide watch
  • When you press the button on your bed to get service right away, you never get service right away
  • Some nurses are hot, and some are not
  • Hospital food is awful and is actually detrimental to your health. You'd think for the thousands and thousands of dollars they bill you for they could at least charge you like 100 bucks more for some better food.
  • I have scoliosis also which means that whenever the team of doctors came by to ask about pain I would always tell them that my back or arm hurt.
  • They would say "huh?" because obviously no one can have more than one thing wrong with him at a time; there's no way that God can be so cruel.
  • Morphine helps you sleep better until you wake up 4 hours later with blinding pain and its 3 in the morning and they wont give you more morphine and you just shift positions every 15 minutes trying to find one that doesnt make your arm feel like its falling off.
  • Whenever I would talk to family members on the phone they would remind me that it was one day closer till I came home
  • Coming home at that point was an issue of contention for the hospital who refused to allow me to leave until I had some sort of a plan put together to move back home to Virginia with my family and get hospital care there
And my mom is calling for dinner now and running around looking for my 3 year old niece who I'm not allowed to say anything bad about in front of her mom, my sister.

So I'm going to go.

From here on out expect regular posts that will mostly look like rough drafts or weird discarded ideas because I can put together a string of cohesive ideas while I'm in minor discomfort like I am now.

Till next time when I start hitting you guys up for money by asking you to contribute to my recovery fund through paypal by making your tax deductible donation to joshuadudley@gmail.com

Toodles



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