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Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Is There Life on Mars?

So I just finished watching the Life Aquatic tonight.



It's one of my favorite movies. It's about a tremendous failure who sets off on a mission of revenge to kill a jaguar shark who may or may not exist and to gain the love of Ned who may be his son. Also he's a bit of a pompous ass and he may have no idea what he's doing.

It's the kind of movie that makes me sit back and reflect on my time here in New York. You know like: what does it all mean? Does it mean anything? Does any of this matter? Was this all just a cosmic mistake? Did I get my wires crossed? I mean am I really getting anywhere around here? Sometimes I just don't know.

I just set off on one adventure after the other chasing down the impossible dream and trying to lasso it in and ride to the shore. Maybe bring along a girl with me, but I always scare them off. I tend to stare I think. Probably because I'm scared. Except in the movies whatever character does that finds some sort of soul mate that understands him.

I sort of get it when Bill Murray says, "I just want to be remembered" He's lost confused, he's off his bearings. He lost his son and his best friend. Is it all worth it?

But what have I lost? I don't know. Nothing much really. I never really had much of anything. Just my charm and impeccable sense of humor which usually tends to rub people the wrong way. I don't even want to tell you how I scared this girl in Starbucks today trying to make her laugh. It didn't go over well.

In the end I guess. I just want things to turn out all right like some kind of fairy tale or happy movie and have me driving off into the sunset laughing with some upbeat music like the Rolling Stones playing in the background.

Maybe that'll never happen. Maybe that doesn't happen for anybody.

Maybe we just get glimpses of it. Come to think of it I have ridden off into the sunset laughing a lot of times with Pearl Jam playing so maybe that counts for something. I hope I finish this book. I hope people get my humour. I know I think its the greatest. My old stuff still makes me laugh after all these years.

I had her once and I lost her. I was too young and stupid to realize what I had. Maybe it wouldn't have worked out. At least that's what everyone says to make me feel better. I know everyone hates this "feelings" dribble that I write about sometimes.

But hey.

This is an adventure.

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