Seriously This is Hot Stuff!

Friday, March 17, 2006

The George Foreman Saga: or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Grilled Food

Hoo boy! There sure is a lot of stuff going on in the world isn't there? I mean that's like a serious understatement if ever understatements have been made, and certainly they have otherwise there would be no need at all to have such a word which describes something which otherwise wouldn't ostensibly exist.

I heard that Dick Cheny, who is currently our vice president as of this writing, shot someone in the face. It's very likely that this won't happen ever again as I understand he is now going through a mandatory "face shooting sensitivity training course" which is designed to let the viewer understand how serious it is to shoot someone in the face. I have never seen it, since I have never shot anyone in the face, however there was this one time that me and my brother were playing with BB guns and my brother asked me to point the gun at him and pull the trigger, which looking back on it seems like a really bad idea given the fact that our dad had told us to never point a gun at someone's face which looking back on it is probably the best advice that he has ever given me. It turns out that the gun actually had a bb in it, and not knowing this I turned the face of the gun slightly to the left of my brothers face, and fired, hitting coincidentally a picture of my brother in the face.

It's this kind of bitter irony which sometimes forces us to pause and reflect on the indeterminate nature of our very lives while we curl up on the couch eating Doritos and watching the new season of the Sopranos which I understand has started and every New York newspaper around here has already reported that Tony Soprano has been shot. I do not know however if it was in the face. Could Dick Cheney be involved? Was he interviewed for the piece? I do not know. However, I know it is time for us as a nation to come together so the communication over face shooting can truly begin. Otherwise, the terrorists may already have won.

In other slightly unrelated news, I just returned home from a rough day at the hospital where I temp at and after filing folders all day and getting blisters underneath my fingernails, and having to walk through an endless mine field of elevators that seem to stretch on to the heavens I spent the last half hour of the day reading New York magazine which appropriately featured articles on the Soprano's and that one guy who was on the Soprano's who helped to shoot a cop in the face and was immediately labeled a "cop killer." I don't want to actually name this hospital, because I understand now that bloggers are getting in trouble for name dropping and getting fired for posting their opinions about commercial interests which are of a serious and private, yet universal interest. I do not think it is a conflict of interest for something to be universal and private at the same time, I just think that big companies only want the truth to be spoken about their product, which in this case is their carefully crafted corporate image which probably includes a slogan about how every day they are striving to be the best at whatever it is that they do and they want you to know it.

I'm finding it increasingly hard to find good fried chicken in New York City and I think this is a serious problem. I'm not going hungry or anything, what with McDonalds taking over the city alongside Starbucks but sometimes a man has a hunger that only a chicken breast that has been seasoned with the Colonel's original recipe can satisfy. A woman can never satisfy this craving, she can only feed it. I recommend the 10 piece "family bucket". Some of my favorite childhood memories involved the smells that would come out of that bucket which other families would bring to church lunch functions. My function at these events was to eat the chicken, and I must say that I was incredibly skilled at it.

And now I am a little bit hungrier than I was when I first started writing this piece so it is time for me to pay a little visit to a place in my apartment that I like to call "the kitchen" and fire up the George Foreman grill and put some chicken breast in it.

Good Night everyone and good luck with whatever you're doing. and don't forget to comment on how great you think this blog is and how you want to get me in contact with a book publisher who would love to jump on this crazy bandwagon that is rolling all over the freekin place!