...Later that Day

11:20 head over to the library at 43 and 5th avenue to read the new Robert Redford article in Moving Pictures Quarterly.

11:23 Purchase a hot dog from a street vendor

11:25 Spill the relish on my brand new Armani's.

11:26 Freek out in the middle of Time's Square but no one is paying attention.

11:30 Arrive at library to find that magazine cover is ripped. Do not wish to patronize a library with undelicate customers.

11:37 Purchase Moving Pictures Quarterly and am disturbed to find a profile of Anne Heche. Feel that she has no talent and time with fellow lesbo (unmentionable) was too much time spent in media spotlight.

11:39 The next article on John Turturo brightens my mood considerably. His new French comedy where he plays a former lawyer who turns into the town drunk and wakes up on a priest's doorstep sets the scene for a heartwarming story of redemption. I smell a winner. Wake up and do your job Academy!

11:47 My agent calls and asks if I can audition for a guest spot on Day's of Our Lives tommorrow. I grudgingly agree knowing that it will make me late for my power lunch with Natalie Portman, and you know how I hate to keep her waiting.

11:58 The cold weather drives me inside H & M where I go shopping for the perfect sweater.

12:04 I'm captivated by the dark blue sweater with the swirly patterns.

12:13 My purchase has been wrapped lovingly in a bag and I depart.

12:29 Pop over to Central Park to work on the sequel to my bestselling first novel. I begin with the words, "Darling, you don't know what you're doing to me right now. Yes I do she says, as she delicately twists the knife into my spine. I want you to pick up the phone and tell the police that you're okay so we can get down to business."

12:47 Really this book is going to be a hit.

1:03 Run into Art Spiegelman in the Tea Room of the Waldorf Astoria. I listen to him prattle on about the cost of Kosher meats lately. I mention how much I adore Maus and suggest that he should do a sequel. He tells me that he did. I ask him if it's true then how come I haven't heard of it?

1:45 Head over to Suncoast to do an instore to promote White Men Can't Jump part 2. I note the lack of screaming fans with utter disdain. However I am impressed with their intelligent questions regarding my free throw shooting abilities as compared to the other white guys who auditioned for the role.

3:12 Head down to the gym to work on quads, thighs and glutes with my personal instructor Pierre. I have a mancrush on Pierre and I don't know if it's healthy.

4:10 Finish up my sets and pull on my ipod for the subway ride back to my upper west side apartment. I'm on chapter 3 of basic French linguistics on my audiobook. Pierre doesn't even act like he notices me leaving. I'm slightly offended.

4:37 Arrive home. kiss my girlfriend quickly because I'm afraid she's caught something. but the pasta she's making for tonight smells good. Enter bedroom. recline on the twin bed in the fetal position and make a mental note to practise yoga.

5:15 wake up and start watching Dr. Phil. That man is amazing!

6:00 Me and Catherine start eating. It's important to have dinner at exactly 6 o clock. I read that somewhere in Ladies Home Journal and I think it has some deep applications to life.

7:00 We finish dinner and I, as my custom, help her with the dishes. It's my little way of saying thank you.

7:15 We read over her Shakespeare lessons for that night. I discuss the meaning of Othello as relating to mankind's struggle with life and why it's important today.

8:21 The books are closed. She brings out the wine. A nice 1957 variety of Chardonnay. Those Californians really know what they're doing.

9:07 I'm a little bit sleepy. Catherine seduces me and we make sweet love till daybreak.