Tactfully Yours

If I started at the beginning of this story, leaving off not at the place where i stopped during my last blog, but at my last blog in virginia, then I would be writing for an awfully long time and I don't know how much of it would be any good. I suppose I shall have to explain how I got to where I am sitting right now at this very second typing to all of my expectant hysterical fans.

I am at an Internet Cafe on 42nd Street in Manhattan. For those of you who don't know what an Internet Cafe is, it's basically just a place where you pay to use the Internet, and occasionally you can get coffee i think, but I could be wrong. I don't see any flipping coffee here at this time.

I understand that the odds that people who read a blog would not know what an Internet Cafe is are relatively small, but however I do what I can do for the people.

There is however an open bottle of Poland Spring water in front of me which was probably
left here by the previous user of this particular internet kiosk who paid for 4 hours of time and promptly got up and left with over 3 hours left to go, which probably goes a long way towards explaining my current lack of brevity in this most recent and solemn post.

I originally paid a dollar for fifteen minutes of time, and wasted most of it on looking at fantasy football scores. Then I was thinking of paying out another dollar just to post this blog when I noticed that the computer next to where I was sitting was presently being unused and was miraculously paid for. This was almost as great as the time I found an unopened snickers bar beneath the bleachers in 6th grade.

Well, almost anyway.

Alright, well clearly I have to get moving so I'm going to divide the rest of this blog into highlights of my time in New York as well as gripes and passing observations.

Obviously the gripes will come first.

Gripes

My second roomate weighs as much as a young female musk ox and smells strangely enough like one to the point where I am surprised that our apartment has not been invaded by any neighboring male musk oxen. After all, this is mating season.

My first roomate is the lease-holder, as well as being a smallish, rotund, Italian of quick temper and short patience. He doesn't like the smell either. He is also the one who didn't tell me before I moved in that the previous roomate left behind a bevy of unpaid cable bills which means that I still do not have internet access at my apartment. He really likes smoking cigars in the house, and reminds me a little bit of Lex Luthor. After a week I'm still on pins and needles around him like a girl on the first date, "I wonder if he likes me?", "I wonder if he'd mind if I did this?"

Roomate number 1 gave me the impression that I would be hired right away by these catering companies that he made it sound like he was buddy/buddy with and he also gave me wrong numbers for 2 of them.

Roomate number 2 almost never leaves his room except to watch television between 4 and 6 in the morning. Since he has no internet access either, I can't help but wonder what diabolical plans he's planning in there. Confession: He's probably just writing letters to his mother asking her how she is, and to please send money. Also he has the body of a walrus and likes to come out of the room wearing only black boxer shorts and slippers. Additionally his moustache scares me.

Highlights

I was at a costume party with my friend slacker superstar and his other friend who was curiously enough also named Josh, and about 8 of their friends that I also didn't know, and I can tell you right now that 8 is enough. The 3 of us dressed as Team Zissou from The Life Aquatic and the whispers of admiration from the adoring crowd were almost more than I could handle. All was going well until a second Team Zissou descended on the party to destroy us! We compared shoes and sadly theirs were more authentic because according to them they ordered it off a place called "The internet" while we got our stuff from a place called "Payless Shoes", and "K-Mart".

To get to this Internet Cafe I walked right past The Soup Nazi's new restaurant on 42 street. I would have gone in except there really was a huge line of people spilling out all over the sidewalk. I think I caught a glimpse of him, but I didn't want to gawk and look like a frikkin tourist. I'm a New Yawker okay.

I left my car lights on all night the other day and was about go drive around, a suprisingly spurious activity that I frequently do in my car, when I noticed that my car wouldn't start. Almost exactly that second some large mustachioed men pulled up in a big white van which I would have thought contained Libyans out to kill Dr. Emmet Brown. They tried to help me jump my car, and gave me helpful advice (don't do that again, try not to frighten children, etc.). Then they left, promising to return and like the cat in the hat, they did and my car started like a charm after I turned the key which I did not do until I was given the head nod by henchman number 2 named Julio. The gentlemen departed and would not even give me the name of their company or accept any payment for their services. Instead they piled into their large white van, handed me the jumper cables which they had just purchased, and drove away.

Casual Observations

While driving through Williamsburg: There sure are a lot of Jews around here!

While driving through Flatbush: There sure are a lot of black people around here!

Walking through Times Square: There sure are a lot of tourists around here!

In the subway waiting for a train: There sure aren't any drunken bums sleeping around here! Thanks a lot for cleaning up the city Guiliani!

On the subway: People sure don't talk on here.

In Manhattan: There sure are a lot of places to buy pizza around here!

In the hallway of my room when roomate number 2's door is open: There sure is an unpleasant odor around here!

Wrapping Up

Still don't have a job. Still mostly broke with just enough to pay next month's rent. Still sitting here. Don't know when next post will be so I made this one huge to tide you all up for a while. Going to East Village to apply for more restaurant jobs.

Ciao!