Stories from Conversations that Never Really Happened

Setting: A squalid farmhouse built with inheritance money by a black man that had proven to be an illegitimate heir of Abraham Lincoln and was given a small pension to just go away.

Characters: A traveling salesman named Ray, and Esther the housewife.

(A knock on the door)
(The door is opened)
Esther(with a bemused look on her face): Kin I help yu?

Ray(stepping through the front door and opening his suitcase): Why yes you can maam. Can you show me to the fireplace?

Esther: We don't use that no more.

Ray: Maam, I understand that a lot of poor farmers are replacing the inconvenience of building a fire in the winter with more modern conveniences like gas furnaces, but until we all get these so called "gas furnaces" running in our house, we'll all still need to use the fireplace in the winter, and when we do that the fireplace gets dirty. Maam I have a product which will absolutely change your life. No, dare I say it, it will revolutionize your life.

Esther: Whatever you say suh.

Ray: Man I say whatever I please, and I generally get away with it because of my exquisite moustache. See, isn't that fine? Would you like to give it a twirl?

Esther: That shorely is a nice moustache Mr...

Ray: Ray. Ray Cobb, traveling salesman. At your service maam. I provide every kind of modern convenience that a poor desolate housewife such as yourself desparately needs, but doesn't even realize it.

Esther: Why I do declare!

Ray: Maam you will be declaring every day after you see how my fireplace magic solution cleans the dirt right off your fireplace from under your very nose. Now about that fireplace...

Esther: Well okay.

They go to the fireplace.

Ray: Maam what in blazes am I looking at?

Esther: That's our fireplace, it burnt down years ago after the ol' wompus of 25' We just use blankets to keep warm in the winter now.

Ray: Why that is the most peculiar thing that I think I have ever heard. Just you wait right there while I go to my car and get the most luxurious blanket that you have ever seen in your dear life for only a nickel.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Art as Devotion to God

 Art as Devotion to God   There are so many essays on the difference between art and craft, and in truth the two are so intertwined as to be nearly interchangeable. To master a craft such as woodworking takes extensive discipline and devotion, and to master an art form such as sculpting takes the same thing. In truth the crossover between the two is the personal expression inherent in each. In either case if a woodworker or a sculptor’s entire body of work was constantly repeating the same design such as would be made by a machine no one would think of them as much of an artist. However, no one could watch a master chef craft every element of a recipe just so, and not say to themselves that they were seeing a great artist at work. And yet that art does not come without a cost, and as artists we can sometimes be stymied in pursuit of perfection or of what we see as worthwhile. Shows like “The Bear” where we see Jeremy Allen White’s character struggle over every creati...
Read more

I've Got a Job

You read the title right. I just got a job at Uno's Pizza, and yes I'll be a waiter. I'll also be waiting for your responses. Yes, that was a joke. Yes, it was an awful one, but things cost more in the city. I had my notebook filled up with like 18 pages of leads and phone numbers and jobs to look for and amazingly enough, Uno's was actually looking for workers. I was incredulous. I went in to the resteraunt and was greeted by a smiling manager with an earpiece named Chad who seemed like your typical cool dude recent college grad. And somehow he was the manager, maybe the fact that this location is across the street from New York University in the East Village (Manhattan) has something to do with this. I don't know. But right now I'm feeling overwhelmed with joy from finally getting a job, combined with the sudden drop of having one of my main goals knocked out of the way and I was so tired from that struggle that I feel the need to recharge my batteries till ne...
Read more