In the Middle of the Night

I go blogging in my sleep.

That was a joke that approximately 12 percent of the audience will get as it was a reference to a top ten single from Billy Joel from the mid 90's called "River of Dreams"

I wish I had written more this week except that I didn't have anything I was incredibly interested in to blog about and I wasn't feeling that great.

Between life anxiety and medical anxiety, I was just full of anxiety this week.

And anxiety never makes for a good blog and I've already decided to leave out the gory details of how my "stuff" (stuff is how i will refer to the apparatus's that are around my stomach region) is doing until I write my best selling book called "What to do when Stomach Surgery threatens your whole way of Life" or I could call it "Don't Panic but your stomach looks like a Meat Locker and the Doctor is coming over with a worried look on his Face"

I bet that would sell.

Probably the highlight of the week was this morning when I took my rat and my niece to the back porch to commune with nature. After about 10 minutes of communing I was getting hungry and asked my mom to watch them for me. Next thing I know, mayonnaise is about to be mixed with my tuna fish when I look over and see my mom on her hands and knees and my niece jumping up and down.

I ran outside and. Oh wait I can't run right now.

I briskly race walked to the back porch and found that ****** (name deleted for privacy concerns) had scared my poor rat Buckley under the stairs where he could not be easily grabbed and he thought we were just playing a game of hide and seek.

Like a fool I tried to lure him out with a piece of roast beef, and he ducked his head out and grabbed it out of my hand.

With frustration mounting I motioned my blood relations inside the house while I maintained the vigil over the stairs where I would be ready to grab him and love on him should he ever appear.

I was not losing this rat.

I lost track of time over how long i was there before I caught him. An hour?

It doesn't matter because it's Saturday and I never have anything to do right?

Wrong!

I was planning on going out but being on my hands and knees and looking under stairs in pre-stoma disaster mode quickly tired me out and i fell asleep for nearly 2 hours while watching a King of the Hill episode on Netflix instant streaming on my Dynex 32 inch LCD TV screen that I use for a monitor that I got from Best Buy 2 years ago for 400 dollars because the TV that Super Christian owned had a giant portion of the screen that was all green shaded and I couldn't stand it.

Now it has significant scratch marks all over the bottom of the screen and some discoloration appears at parts of the top depending on what is on the screen at the moment.

I really like my monitor.

Oh yeah, something potentially big did happen this week. I got the opportunity to do what appears to be SAG background work in DC the next 2 weekends. This is significant because in 5 years in NY I only got to do SAG background work once and you need to do it 3 times to join SAG which is pretty much out of the question at the moment because it costs like 3 grand.

And then I had an evening out at a musical planned and that fell through. It was not as easy as it sounds to find a play around here on a random Friday evening.

So what I did before that was go to my friend's house with the purpose of watching Duke play Hampton in the NCAA 64's! or whatever you call the tournament as I know that March Madness is not it's official name and I hope they don't sue me for using it without permission in this blog post.

Unfortunately my friend's parents in law were over and he did not tell me that. So, while I was trying to watch young athletes dunk all over some hapless flunkies I was being grilled on my health and what Chrohns disease was and how I planned to treat it and why I don't just eat cheeseburgers all the time if I'm trying to gain weight.

Then the conversation moved to the topic of my various unfinished books and they pretty much thought all of my book titles were either stupid or too negative and probably not sale-able. I had to explain to them about how there was a big market out there for dumb comedy books right now like "How to Beat Up Anybody" or the various zombie classic literature mashups out there.

Anyway Duke won in a snoozefest of a layup drill and I'm definitely going to find out wherever I go if old people are going to be sprung on me out of nowhere.

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