The Adventures of Super Christian #1


I keep having these 2 nagging dreams. In one of them, I've lost the keys to my dad's car, and in the other one my old roommate Super Christian has turned into some sort of zombie like creature.

This was the beginning to the blog yesterday when I tried to write it and was interrupted by what could have been 10 thousand different things but I'm pretty sure it was my dad who wanted to yell at me a few times in the car so we could go to the grocery store.

So, I definitely can't do that opener anymore. I can't remember that nagging dream, and I'm pretty sure I made up that dream about Super Christian even though he basically was a zombie for the Lord.

I used to be on the couch with chunks missing out of it in Astoria trying to sit down to enjoy a game of Super Mario Galaxy and he would walk past me with that same look of resignment on his face wearing slippers on his feet and rubber gloves on his hands which he put out in front of him when he walked kind of like Mr. Burns from the Simpsons. Then he would prepare the exact same meal every day just like he did as far as I could tell for about 12 years in the same apartment before I got there.

He made an omelette for dinner every day out of an omelette maker which he left on the counter overnight and every night filled with water in the belief that this would ward off cockroaches. When the omelette was ready on the pan he would slide it onto the plate in literally the exact same way every day. It was eery. Actor on the couch used to claim that he was a lizard creature in disguise which I honestly had a hard time disputing.

Then he would pour enough hotsauce on the omelette to make my eyes water and sting from 10 feet away. I used to ask him why he put so much hotsauce on his eggs and he said, "Because I really like hotsauce."

Well said my friend. Well said.

Of course he also gave the exact same line of reasoning for why he poured hotsauce on all variety of foods like pizza and rice. He used to stress, "I like my food very hot." And then he would eat it very very slowly and if the tv was on he would stare intently at it like it contained the mysteries of the universe.

Actor on the couch used to try to break him out of his revelry and ask him questions while he was eating and watching tv. This was always a bad idea because Super Christian could not eat his omelette, watch tv, and then listen to you or your question if the world depended on it. Then they would argue for at least 15 or 20 minutes and I would go in my room and quietly try to pretend that none of this was happening and remind myself that this was what I moved to New York for.

Then for the rest of the night Super Christian would play worship music in his room very loudly until he would stop to work on his screenplay which he would only consider submitting to Steven Spielburg.

And now dinner is calling or rather my dad is calling me to dinner. I hope I enjoy it as much as you enjoy Trailor Park Life #3!

oh wait I almost forgot this part

Panel #1: Woof

Panel #2: I love my new dog

Panel #3: ...Who just peed on the floor

Panel #4: Hm.....

Panel #5 Looks like its time to move the couch


Comedy Gold!

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