I can't believe the news today - part 1

Actually this post is really about the news from yesterday but I don't get the newspaper every day. I had to pay for this one. I forgot how crappy our local paper and in fact newspapers in general normally are. Let me give you the quick rundown on what's up in your world yesterday before I mow the lawn and go watch Last House on the Left at my cousin's house.

Story 1) Anna Nicole Smith's never ending fight to get the money from the now dead guy that she married who was like 100 at the time.



- Our newspaper, the Daily Press, has sunk to a new low and is publishing this kind of gossip column Hard Copy kind of crap which is the newspaper equivalent of a "where are they now?" piece on the FRONT PAGE. Basically, I think everyone entirely forgot about this story and it has no meaning at all or relevance to anyone that a rich fake boobed ho is a gold digger. This has an almost literal meaning now since the guy in question has been dead for years. She would have to dig him up to get the gold. .....Seriously, he looked like a mole when he was still alive there is a 0.001 percent chance that Miss Smith would have been attracted to him at the time. Maybe she's a big fan of 2 inch long nose hairs, debilitating breath, an evil grin, and 95 year old bald men in wheelchairs. Who knows maybe that's her thing.

I'd like to relate this piece to something I heard while standing at the door of Water's Edge church this week.

girl a)did you hear that? he asked me out!

girl b)what did you say?

girl a) I was so embarrassed. I told him I was in a relationship.

This occurred before church. Now listen to the same girls after church.

girl b)I found out that guy owns a health food store and a gym and he's vacationing in Australia today.

girl a)Well geez, why didn't he say that? That would have totally changed things. Hi, I own a health food store, and a gym would you like to go to lunch with me?

To sum up, I would like to remind you all of what Wanda Sykes said after watching the first episode of the Bachelor "Bitches love money."