We Are All a Work in Progress

I don't think this is all too much to ask for. A lot of other people have travelled this same road before with varying degrees of resistance. Maybe they were better looking or luckier or smarter than me or knew the right places to go. But they did it. I'm sure it was hard for them. I know Harrison Ford spent 13 years as a carpenter before he got anywhere. I haven't even been here 2. Of course I did spend one summer as a carpenter. Man I was terrible at that. So. I say my prayers. I take my vitamins. I eat my Wheaties. And every day I just duck my head under and plow straight on into the maoelstrem that is living in New York City on a wing and a prayer. Cuz it's hard. It's damn hard. I need all the help and support and love I can get. Boy this thing sure isn't getting any easier. I feel like I'm pushing a boulder uphill. But God told us to speak to that mountain and tell it to move out of the way. Maybe my voice is a little timid right now when talking to the...

So I just finished watching the Life Aquatic tonight. It's one of my favorite movies. It's about a tremendous failure who sets off on a mission of revenge to kill a jaguar shark who may or may not exist and to gain the love of Ned who may be his son. Also he's a bit of a pompous ass and he may have no idea what he's doing. It's the kind of movie that makes me sit back and reflect on my time here in New York. You know like: what does it all mean? Does it mean anything? Does any of this matter? Was this all just a cosmic mistake? Did I get my wires crossed? I mean am I really getting anywhere around here? Sometimes I just don't know. I just set off on one adventure after the other chasing down the impossible dream and trying to lasso it in and ride to the shore. Maybe bring along a girl with me, but I always scare them off. I tend to stare I think. Probably because I'm scared. Except in the movies whatever character does that finds some sort of soul mate that ...

Continuing my long series of stories and essays that were formerly part of other works of mine that were unfinished, here is what used to be the first chapter of a book I was working on called "What It's All About". Hopefully you can see how this could easily be the intro to my new book. What It's All About This book is about words. Lots of them. There's no getting around it. There are quite simply a lot of words in a book. That is what separates a book from a pamphlet. Okay, a pamphlet usually has a coupon on the back to tell you how to join a fantastic mailing list for only five dollars a month, but you get the idea. Why did I write this book you ask? Well, if you looked closely at the title then you may have gathered that I am about to tell you what it's all about. Many people have made clever attempts at this over the years by telling you what they think it's all about or what it is or how to get there. But this book simply cuts to th...

This is an old story that I'm putting in my new collection of stories for my new book called "Why I Hate you and Other Stories" yes that is mean to be taken with a wink and a nod. Anyway I love this essay and I hope you all do too. I try to be honest with my readers, and usually I succeed. Unfortunately, I have no idea what I just said, and therefore, no easy way to string together a well thought out and funny sentence that would lead in easily from the first one. So, with that in mind, let’s talk about banking. Most of you readers out there work and have a job, and that whole thing. So you’ve probably discovered that you tend to have more money than you can spend at one time, and the government doesn’t make it any easier by making it hard to get any bills over a twenty. So, unless you want to have your wallet stuffed with 20-dollar bills, or cram your mattress full of money and hope you never have a fire, you’ll have noticed that you need to put your money in a place...

I think I'm a lot closer to having a completed book than I thought. I've been going back to a writers group lately, in some small part because of a girl there I have a crush on and am hoping to impress, and in doing so rediscovered how some of my earlier writing fits into the larger theme that i've been working on for years. The new book that I've been slowly writing stories for I've intended to be titled "Why I Hate You and Other Stories" I had originally intended it all to be written in the style of a letter that described great annoyance to another person or thing but couldn't be expressed verbally. I realize that this forced attempt at style was really just a copy of the popular literary zine McSweeneys. There are many writers on there that write stories in a similar fashion to that. Okay. let me get to my point. I guess I got a little carried away. So last week at my writers group I read one of my older pieces from my very old website joshdudley.t...

I just wrote this a little bit ago. It's sorta sad and sweet. It'd be a nice song if I had some accompaniment. Oh well. I hope you like it if you're reading it. whoever you are. It's kind of how I feel sometimes about looking for love and never really knowing where it is or how to find it. I guess I just feel lost a lot of the time. I Just Wanna Be With You Don't mind me ill just lay here on the ground Don't mind me I just wanna be around I wanna know what you're doing And I wanna do it too I kinda think I like you And I hope you like me too I'll pretend to be important I'll imagine I'm so great I'll wait for you forever Even if I have to stay up late I just wanna be with you Maybe I'll hideaway in a great big bungalow Maybe one day I'll find out what it is they do below I'll be under the ocean I'll be near the sea I'll be someplace far away Where they'll ne...

just wrapped up the first night of my play "Saturday with the Georges" on Saturday night where I starred as George Bush. We brought the house down. We had a lot of laughs, and so many people told me afterwards how much they enjoyed it. Unfortunately, none of those people were people that I know. So I ask you. What is wrong with you people? It was part of a competition at the Strawberry Festival for one acts, and we got to the semi-finals which means we'll be doing it again on Tuesday and Wednesday. therianttheatre.com 20 tickets 314 w 54th street manhattan. our first video can be viewed on their website (at least its supposed to be up now. it should be up tonight or tommorrow hopefully) Also I had a meeting the other week with a real agent in New York who wants to use me because someone in her office saw my last play and she said I was good. Wow. I have to get new headshots though. And I'm so broke that I'll be putting it on credit. ick. Oh well I'm thinking o...

Dear You, Let me be the first to admit it. I'm often wrong about things. When we first met I guessed that your favorite ice cream flavor was chocolate. It turned out to be moose tracks. I figured you for the type that didn't like cooking. So naturally you surprised me for my birthday with an incredible veal cutlet. I told you that my family probably wouldn't like you. Now they have you over for cards like once a week. I was wrong last week when we went shopping for that dress you liked in that magazine, and I was sure they wouldn't have it in your size. It turns out that they did. Forgive me for suggesting that Canadian Geese would make great pets. I thought I had read it somewhere. I thought I would never get the yard clear of feathers and animal droppings. Thank God winter came early this year. I was wrong last week when we were watching Jeopardy and on a Double Jeopardy question where the category was All Things Must Pass for $600 I guessed it was La Plaza. It turned...

Sometimes I think my favorite part of writing something is in thinking of what to call it exactly, but of course I put the title at the beginning and then hope that the words some of which I've thought out in my head already will make sense to fit them. At least that's what I'm doing now. I guess everyone was sort of alarmed by my last blog. Shame on me for putting something so stillborn into the world without explaining how that sort of thing has happened before and I'm used to it. Those rages of my roomates really remind of the ones my father used to have, except without the hint of violence in his voice, of the feeling that he was being split apart at the inside. So. Maybe its my fault for not writing more. Everyone always says what a great writer I am. I don't know. Maybe I would be if I wrote more. But there's the rub. Great writers write. Other people just doodle and dawdle. There's actually been a lot of terrible things that have happened to me in the...

My 61 year old roommate really loves Amy Winehouse and is saddened to see her life torn apart by her wickedness. This is his plea for her to turn her life around and start living right for Jesus. This is the fourth video in the video series about my roommate, Eric Sigward. I live with him on Central Park West because it is rent controlled (cheap), central to everything, and I'm an actor trying to make it in NYC.

Here is the second video of my 61 year old narcissistic roommate Eric Sigward. He told me after watching this video that he likes it so much he wants to shoot one ever night. I'm not saying this is going to make me famous, but I hope it will. Cross your fingers, write about it, talk about it. Here we go!

Folks I'm not kidding. This You Tube video is great. It features my 61 year old roommate talking about Christmas. It is sad and depressing and hilarious!

This Post is so only so I could post my headshot and have it on the web to link to it.

Like I mentioned before. I've been writing on myspace because I get a more immediate reaction from the audience and more people read it. Anyway. Here's my blog about yesterday... I really hate doing these big general sort of update things since I feel that the people who are really interested in what is going with me would write me an email and ask "Joshua, what is going on with you?" however there also lies the problem that while I like everyone on my friends list, I may not be willing to regurgitate the large variety of activities that I am currently engaged in during my tenure here in New York City. Thus the need for a large blog type thing summarizing what it is that I have been doing, which on days like today really doesn't feel like much. I've felt the need to put some type of blog up for the longest time about some topic or the other like when the Sopranos recently ended. I was pretty emotionally invested in that show and was rocked like a drum when Joh...

Dear Friend, I address you as friend because I felt that "dear entity" would be too cold and impersonal even though it makes for a better description of how I currently view you which is essentially as a generic person that I have no intimate knowlege of one way or the other. I am very sorry that I don't remember your name, and I can see that it is greatly distressing you to the point of causing inner turmoil, great pain, and boils on your face and hands. Our last encounter when I said "hello" to you as we passed in the bathroom was particularly unmemorable and I am sure I would have put it out of my head entirely if you had not brought it up again when you recently addressed me by name, and I apologized and confessed that I had forgotten your name, apparently for the fourth time. I did so enjoy our first conversation where you asked me my name, how long I've lived around here, and what my occupation is right before you were distracted by a much better frien...

*Note the following is a form of humorous fiction and is intended to be regarded as such. Any resemblance to real people alive or dead is purely unintentional and the author apologizes in advance for any such similarities made in this regard.* Dear John: I know you've been casually flirting with me lately and even mentioning that we should "get together" sometime or "hang out" in the future or meet for "drinks" and I'd love to, I really would except that our cat and mouse game has descended to tedium from overuse. I can only laugh or smile or move out of hearing range quickly when you invite me over for coffee just so many times and I am growing tired of it. My laugh is meant as a response to your question to say this, "I am obviously flattered by your request and although I don't find you personally attractive, I'm sure someone else will find you so and take pity on your bereaved form. Also I have a boyfriend and I can't tell you,...

Ladies and Gentlemen. I come to you this morning very tired and in need of sleep, but I have awoken this morning before 8 am in the morning on Sunday which is extremely unhealthy, just to call a black friend of mine and ask him when his church meets, hoping it was at 9 or 10 in the morning, so I could visit it. Unfortunately, my friend explained the the church he preaches at only has worship meetings one Sunday morning every other month. Apparently he is trying to phase a church into regular every week meetings. Since I am very tired I could be getting the dates wrong and maybe they meet more than once every month, but that was the gist of it. He is hopelessly charismatic and incorporates the mannerisms and ideals into his everyday life where I have never really seen him without a suit and top hat or being at anything but a super enthusiastic level of excitement about virtually everything. He probably feels that the Lord would never have him express a negative emotion. I felt I had to ...

I was just on set of Law and Order: SVU doing background work for television which usually shows up as a blob on television and I met 2 different girls on set and they both had boyfriends. I think that has to be a record. Usually I only meet one girl on set that I'm interested in that has a boyfriend, so this was completely unexpected and an awesome to cap off my day. I just realized that I am too tired to complete this post which would consist of describing this girls well, if I type long enough without thinking about it, I am sure that I can come up with something. The first one had hair in her face and was untraditionally beautiful and had just written a screenplay and had a kid I enjoyed talking to her all day and discovered she had a boyfriend when I told her that I've been accused of living my life like I'm in a movie and my life quote for that would be, "I think life is one big inside joke and I'm looking for someone to share it with." She said it was s...

Since July of 2006 I've been doing extra work on tv shows and movies an average of 2 or 3 days a week and it always amuses me every time I'm on set. This is a job where you get paid a low wage to sit around all day waiting for the producers to call the herd onto set where they place them into what they seem to think is the most "natural" way that they would look, except it never looks natural. It always looks pretty much stiff and forced. Needless to say I have a lot of fun on these sets joking around with people and I only need an audience of 1 for endless amusement. Yesterday it was my good friend Scott Thomas. I kept telling people he was gay and whenever he would talk I would tell people, "It's okay. He's gay." Because being gay excuses everything. It was so much fun yesterday, so much so that I went across the street and had a general Tso's special lunch at the Golden Harvest restaurant rather than eat the cafeteria style food that they pour...

The sky isn't falling. I know that the five of you out there who occasionally read this blog are wondering where your superstar has gone to? How could he be so great if he stays away from his beckoning public? Well fans, I've just discovered what the rest of the world has, namely that whatever I write on myspace will get like 10 times as many views as anything i write here so.... Yeah thats right I just write on myspace now and this page is sort of like my bastard cousin who I sometimes take out for ice cream. That really wasn't a very good metaphor was it? But I wanted to let everyone know that my Christmas and Thanksgiving breaks were so wonderful beyond belief and I wanted to personally thank all my friends and family who made it so, and for my mom who always lets me use the car. Anyway fans, I am excited and ready to rip 2007 a new one. This is the year that I will get an agent, will get into SAG, and will get a small part in a movie. Mark it down. It will happen. Eithe...